Long Jokes

[strategic]

i got one:

Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over. (lying down)
Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should i do?"
A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help. First, let's make sure he's really dead."
After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Joe comes back on the phone.
"Okay," he says nervously to the operator. "What do I do next?"

[HeadShot]

hehe ;D

[compulsivekiler]

hahahaha holy crap thats really funny! ;D

[strategic]

I can't really remember this one but:

There were 3 guys who were in heaven talking to eachother. They were talking about how they died.

The first guy says, "Well, there's this time when i thought my wife was cheating on me so i went barging into the room finding my wife naked in the bed with no one. I went berserk because i knew she was sleeping with another guy. So i chuck our new refrigirator outside the window and had a heart-attack and died right at the spot."

The second guy goes like, "Well, i was walking down the street until a refrigirator came out of nowhere and hit me on the head."

Finally, the third guy went, "Well, I was in a refrigirator..."

[strategic]

I'll try to remember this one also:

There were three nuns in the gateway of heaven. St. Peter was the gatekeeper. St. Peter went, "Answer my questions and I'll let you in heaven."

So the first nun went up and St. Peter ask, "Who was the first man on earth?"
The first nun went, "Adam."
St. Peter went, "That's correct." The bells tolled, the angels sang, and the gates of heaven opened.

The second went up and St. Peter ask, "Who were the first women on earth?"
The second nun went, "Eve."
St. Peter went, "That's correct." The bells tolled, the angels sang, and the gates of heaven opened."

The third nun went up and St. Peter ask, "What was the first words Eve said to Adam?"
The third nun went, "Oh my, that's a hard one."
St. Peter went, "that's correct." The bells tolled, the angels sang, and the gates of heaven opened.

[c0ca1n3]

lmao strat u got alot of good ones too

[strategic]

heh heh.. ill try to think of some more, if i can't, oh well, if i can, happy for you all.

[HeadShot]

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.

He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.

She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."

"No, I wouldn't," he said.

She said, "I sell tampons."

With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.

She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"

[strategic]

that was just plain stupid... hehehe ;D

[HeadShot]

=POSTS whore, my point exactly lololol

[compulsivekiler]

wow wat an amusing joke lol

[compulsivekiler]

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his roundtrip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabbie said (adopt appropriate accent), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch hike to the airport and barely caught his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.

Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.

The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport?" he asked.

"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.

"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"

"What?! Get the hell out of my cab."

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "Okay," and off they went.

Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

[HeadShot]

lol very amusing and sickning joke..

[strategic]

lmao, that was... interesting...

[FraGLeSSGurl4life]

hilary clinton dies and goes to heaven, jesus was showing her around and they came to this room full of clocks and she said whats up with these clocks, jesus said well the clock ticks for how many times people have lied. he said see theres abe's it only has clicked 3 times. she said oh well wheres bills, and jesus said oh thats in my office i use that as my ceiling fan!
(hahahahahah)