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Joke
Aug 24, 2005 21:46:10 GMT -5
Post by strategic on Aug 24, 2005 21:46:10 GMT -5
Never let an ape get ahold of your nipple...
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Joke
Aug 24, 2005 23:51:31 GMT -5
Post by HeadShot on Aug 24, 2005 23:51:31 GMT -5
heres a joke about 3 ppl.
Sumo Kamikaze
Three men, an Scot, an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building. The Scot jumped off and shouted ''God save Scotland!'' The English man jumped off and shouted ''God Save England!'' The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted ''God save the person who I land on!''
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Joke
Aug 24, 2005 23:52:30 GMT -5
Post by HeadShot on Aug 24, 2005 23:52:30 GMT -5
heres another about someones momma..
Yo Mama's Version of Safe Sex
Yo mama's so stupid, her idea of safe sex is to lock the car doors.
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Joke
Aug 24, 2005 23:55:16 GMT -5
Post by HeadShot on Aug 24, 2005 23:55:16 GMT -5
heres one more about death..
Mysterious death
There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning at 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. Why the death? So the doctors decide to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil........ Just when the clock struck 11.... Santa Bob, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.
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Joke
Aug 25, 2005 7:52:09 GMT -5
Post by c0ca1n3 on Aug 25, 2005 7:52:09 GMT -5
Your mama is like a brick flat on both sides and gets layed by mexicans(dont take it offensive its just a joke)
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Joke
Aug 25, 2005 7:53:06 GMT -5
Post by c0ca1n3 on Aug 25, 2005 7:53:06 GMT -5
lol headshot both of ur jokes are good
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Joke
Aug 25, 2005 10:28:38 GMT -5
Post by dH on Aug 25, 2005 10:28:38 GMT -5
headshot that was actually a good one ;D
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Joke
Aug 25, 2005 14:46:18 GMT -5
Post by HeadShot on Aug 25, 2005 14:46:18 GMT -5
hehe i gots more
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Joke
Aug 25, 2005 15:08:29 GMT -5
Post by HeadShot on Aug 25, 2005 15:08:29 GMT -5
here are some jokes: A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'
The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
If a light sleeper can't sleep with a light on, can a hard sleeper sleep with a hard on?
Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.
Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then George W. Bush says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws Bill Clinton off the plane.
Yo mama's house is so dusty the roaches ride around in dune buggies.
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Joke
Aug 25, 2005 15:16:28 GMT -5
Post by HeadShot on Aug 25, 2005 15:16:28 GMT -5
some more hehe: Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box? She sat on Pinocchio's face and told him to lie to her.
A woman met a man at a club and went back to his place for sex. Afterward, she said “You must be a good dentist.” He replied, “How did you know I'm a dentist.” She said, “I didn't feel a thing.”
A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, "Wow, that's a really fancy watch."
Thanks, says the guy, "It's the cutting edge of technology. I can telepathically ask this watch anything I want to know, and it'll answer me, telepathically."
"Rubbish," says the girl.
"No, it's true," says that guy. "Look, tell you what, I'll prove it. I'll ask it if you've got any panties on."
The guy scrunches up his eyes for a moment, as if concentrating hard to talk to his watch, then opens them and says, "Nope, it says you haven't got any panties on."
"Well, it's wrong," says the girl, "I do have panties on."
"Damn," says the guy, slapping his watch, "it's an hour fast!"
Q. What's the ultimate rejection? A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep!
Why did the Pillsbury doughgirl get pregnant??? The doughboy forgot his weenie wrap
There was a chicken and a horse playing together on a farm one day. The horse fell into a mudpit and yelled to the chicken to run to the house and get the farmer. The chicken ran to the house and the farmer was nowhere to be found. So, it got into the farmer's BMW and pulled the horse out with it. The next day the chicken and the horse were playing on the farm again. This time the chicken fell into the mud pit and yelled to the horse to get help. So, the horse stood over the mud pit and told the chicken to grab on to his penis and he'd pull him out. The chicken grabbed on and, indeed, the horse pulled him out. The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
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Joke
Aug 25, 2005 15:21:09 GMT -5
Post by HeadShot on Aug 25, 2005 15:21:09 GMT -5
ok heres all i got left:
Two guys meet in heaven, and are chatting about how they died. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy says he died of a heart attack.
"How did that happen?" asks the first guy.
"Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife and another man. But when I went inside, I searched and searched for her, but couldn't find anybody. I was stricken with such remorse for accusing my wife of infidelity that I had a heart attack on the spot."
"Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd've opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon hearing this, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
She was released from the hospital but while crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by a car.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years?! Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that car?" God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
Yo mama's so stupid that when she took the Pepsi Challenge, she chose Jif.
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.'' The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.'' The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!'' The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!'
What do a bungee jump and a Hooker have in common? They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead.
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Joke
Aug 25, 2005 17:38:57 GMT -5
Post by compulsivekiler on Aug 25, 2005 17:38:57 GMT -5
holy shit i like so many of them! ;D
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Joke
Aug 26, 2005 7:33:35 GMT -5
Post by c0ca1n3 on Aug 26, 2005 7:33:35 GMT -5
lol yah and there all good
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Joke
Oct 23, 2005 21:01:26 GMT -5
Post by c0ca1n3 on Oct 23, 2005 21:01:26 GMT -5
A beautiful young woman about to undergo a minor operation is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff.
A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination.
When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, “These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?”
He shrugs and says, “Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We’re just here to paint the halls.”
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Joke
Dec 18, 2005 0:44:22 GMT -5
Post by -iK- on Dec 18, 2005 0:44:22 GMT -5
OK why was there only 3,000 mexicans in the alamo?
They only had 3 trucks. HAHAHA
-iK-
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